Britanie was back, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it certainly wasn’t great. Mom, Britanie, and I stood in the bathroom. Britanie was hurrying us because she wanted to be dropped off somewhere. For once, it wasn’t any place bad, just the movie theater, but she had ignored Mom’s request to stay at home to spend an evening for the children.
“Mom, I’ve been locked up for months and months. At least, I should be able to have a little bit of time with my friends.”
“That’s exactly the point I am trying to make. You have been gone for months – and every time you end up in jail, you write about how much you miss your children, but when you’re here, you spend no time with them.”
“OK, OK, Mom, I know. I will. But I already told them I’m going tonight and I’m going to be late if you don’t drop me off now.” She turned and walked to the front door, dismissing Mom’s authority and signifying that the decision had been made. It was the same old argument that had happened hundreds of times before, and I could tell that Mom didn’t want to push it. Britanie had been doing OK, not great, but better than before, and if she pushed it, the old Britanie might resurface, shrieking and cursing. We just looked at each other, our eyes asking the same question: “What do we do?”
I sat up. For a few minutes I didn’t even remember the dream and when I did, I marveled at how real it had felt. My mind accepted Britanie’s return and collapse into old habits as completely believable and had all the right details to make it feel just like old times. “Please, God, not again,” I said.
I knew what triggered the dream. Mom had been talking to her sister on the phone yesterday and mentioned that Britanie may be out of the SAFP program and the Halfway House as soon as July. If you’re craving beaches and sunshine, July feels far away but if you’re worried about your household once again spiraling out of control into a “hell on earth,” well, July’s not that far away.
I think Britanie is closer to God right now than she has ever been, and I KNOW without a doubt that God can do ALL things! I am not worried that He cannot bring Britanie to her knees, to the end of her selfishness, and fully reveal His glory to her. In fact, I am not worried at all. No matter what happens, I know He’s got this. He is bigger than it. And I will be in His arms for the whole ride. But I also know that He gives us choice and right now God is the only choice Britanie has. How can she choose otherwise when she is locked up, alone and miserable?
But what will she choose once there’s truly a choice?
This is where you come in, friends. Please pray for my sister while she is in SAFP and while she is so much more open to God’s calling. Pray for her to develop such a relationship with Him that nothing else seems desirable. And don’t forget the rest of us! Ask God to give us love, love, love so that we can welcome Britanie back into the family as a lost sister. Most of all, let’s ask for God’s will to be done and for His name to be glorified.